Wednesday. Odin’s day. Now, here is a day fit for a one-eyed gallows-god. Or a creepy little girl with the last name Addams.
Hump day — as in, the middle of the week, the top of the hill, it’s all downhill from here. Not, as in, coitus, sex, intercourse, relations, parking the porpoise, fucking, turning a slow hard screw, making the beast with two backs. Though Wednesdays are always good for that, too.
Wednesdays are weird.
Wednesdays are wonderful.
Wednesdays are the only day of the week that start with W.
In two days, it will be Friday. That is Wednesday’s promise, and it always keeps it. Except for that one time back in 1582 when we lost ten days. No, seriously, look it up, darlings. We went from October 4th to October 15th in one day. Don’t tell religious people this, or they’ll have no fucking clue if it really is their Sabbath or whatnot.
Wouldn’t it be funny if people chose their own calendars? It would be chaos (and we all know how I feel about chaos). Me, I choose the French Republican Decimal Calendar. I was born the 23rd day of Germinal, which we all know was Maronnier, which of course translates to the day of the Horse Chestnut.
Where are you going with this? Is there going to be a test?
What? You didn’t know that? What did they teach you in school? Other interesting facts — it was the events of Germinal of 1794 that signaled of the end of the Reign of Terror, and of course Germinal was the title of Emile Zola’s masterpiece novel. Never read it? Check out the 1993 film starring Gerard Depardieu.
I was born on a Saturday, actually, but considering those ten days we lost, I was actually born on April 2nd, which was, you guessed it — a Wednesday. And look how close I came to being un Poisson D’Avril.
(That means April Fish, darlings. Not to be confused with un boisson d’Avril, which would be an April drink. Greyhounds are good in April. Citrus-y. A little bitter. April is, after all, the cruelest month, or so Mr. T.S. Eliot would have us believe. Be careful mixing up your Ps and Bs, darlings, especially when entertaining the French Foreign Legion, lest you end up with a fish in your drink.)
Have a wonderful Wednesday, darlings, and feel free to regale me with your tales of Wednesday woes and wonders.