NaPoBloMo Days 13 and 14 of an entire month of isn’t it amazing how one good day can change your perspective on things?

  1. It’s not the end of the world as I know it, and I feel pretty good.

You know, you hit that point where you feel like an unloveable failure, only to discover that not only are you loved by the people around you, who are WAY less judgemental of you than you are yourself, but that there are people that think you’re pretty sweet, but had never told you for one reason or another.

2. Neil Gaiman is my spirit animal, and Mike Carey is a prophet.

I am a huge Neil Gaiman fan — specifically, Sandman is like my holy scriptures. There was a spin off to that series, written by Mike Carey and centred around Lucifer. (They’ve made a tv show out of it that honestly has NOTHING to do with the series so avoid it like chlamydia). At any rate, I really am a dilettante — a while ago, I really did take up book-binding, and I bound the entire series of Lucifer in four leather-bound tomes. (Yeah, I bound Lucifer — when I met Mike Carey and showed him the book he thought it was hilarious. So fuck you if you’re not at least grinning.)

I got Mike to sign one of the volumes, and he inscribed it with a line from Sandman, spoken by Lucifer as he handed Morpheus the key to hell: “Perhaps this is the ultimate freedom, Dream Lord — the freedom to leave.”

I’m trying to look at this in a positive light. I don’t hate my now ex-wife. We get along well enough — that’s not the issue. But we have both been miserable for a long time, and it’s time to leave — time to give each other our freedom. I want her to be happy. I want to be happy.

I’m free. Free to take control and responsibility of my own life. Free from the responsibility of trying to make her happy. Free to explore strange new worlds, and seek out new life and new civilizations.

Free to try that thing with the saran wrap and Cheez Whiz with a willing participant that the ex would never try.

(Seriously, what’s a little Cheez Whiz in your orifices between friends?)

Do I still feel sad and or disappointed. Yes. Do I have regrets? Yes, but also know that regret is pointless.

I have a lot going for me.

I have a lot to work on.

I have a lot of opportunity before me.

If one thing falls through, there are other opportunities.

It’s not the end of the world.

It’s the beginning of a new one.

(Damn. It’s My Own Private Ragnarok — which is like My Own Private Idaho, but with more Vikings and less potatoes.)

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5 responses to “NaPoBloMo Days 13 and 14 of an entire month of isn’t it amazing how one good day can change your perspective on things?

  1. Isn’t that the kicker? It’s one of the (many) things I hate about depression is that I know that “good day” will come along, but when? Glad you’ve had your good day and I hope you have many, many more! As painful as it might be, if you and your wife can come away from this respecting and appreciating each other, that would be a great thing. And, yes, there’s something to be said for not having to worry about making someone else happy.

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