NaBloPoMo – Day 12 of an entire month of “This is Less Encouraging”

1e6ff454420c4e1fc3919d4088bdac13

I’m afraid of got nothing to report. Might as well put this out there — I’m getting divorced, and it’s kind of been a hellish year, so this just makes a fitting end, I suppose.

I thought I was doing okay. Scratch that. Every day since Sunday, I’ve had moments of the day where I think I’m doing okay, and then five minutes later, I’m in denial and bawling my eyes out. And then later, I’ll be okay, relieved that it’s over, even. And then the next, I’ll be sitting here writing this while compiling a playlist of SONGS GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU WEEP…. Now playing: Nobody’s Fault But My Own by Beck, followed up by Lover, You Should’ve Come Over by Jeff Buckley.

For once, I wish that I wasn’t such an emotional masochist.

All the while, I’m TRYING to “keep life-ing” — that is, I have maths homework to do, friends to speak to, writing I’d like to do. To feel normal.

NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY.

The Shining reference for the win.

I’m not going to weep all over the internet (at least I don’t think I’m going to… don’t hold me to that promise).

I will say that Jeff Buckley is tugging at my heartstrings from beyond the grave right now, and so perhaps I’d best wrap this up before I get all melancholy.

I hope you are all well. If you have never felt this pain, I hope you never do. If you have, then know that I am truly sorry. If you are currently going through it, as I know some of you are, then goddammit, where’s the closest pub so we can meet and cry in our beer together?

As a good friend said recently, trying to cheer me up: FUCK.

 

That is all.

Advertisements

22 responses to “NaBloPoMo – Day 12 of an entire month of “This is Less Encouraging”

  1. Weep. Grieve. FUCK. Have not been through a divorce, just break-ups. Different, especially when kids are involved. Send you my love as an online friend and fan of your writing.

  2. Louis C.K. says “don’t be sad for people who get divorced. No good marriages end in divorce.” but, as my mom says “it’s OK to be sad, and its OK to cry.” Both these quotes are true. From me.. Sorry about all the pain you are enduring while trying to keep your life in 1 piece. It must be really hard. I choose to believe that you will come out the other side happier and stronger. Don’t be afraid to weep all over the internet. That’s what it’s here for!

  3. FUCK is always what comes to my mind when I’m in distress. It’s a good, sharp word with impact. I’m grateful that I’ve never been divorced, but I know so many people who have. Call me old-fashioned, but I sometimes think people are too quick to divorce. Marriage is hard work. I don’t think it gets easier, but, in my humble opinion, it does get more rewarding. I’m closer to my husband now than I was when we first married, and I believe that’s due to the rough times we’ve suffered through together. That said, some of the divorces in my family have resulted in (eventually) happier people. It’s incredibly painful, but somewhere, at some point, a person just says, “Fuck it” and moves on. If there’s another soulmate out there, he/she will come along. But being alone is not an awful thing, either. Sometimes it’s what you need. Okay, I’m spewing gibberish here because I feel so fucking helpless to help!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s