Sex in the 22nd Century – A Cautionary Tale

Like we ruin everything else in this world, we are ruining sex.

I see some troubling things happening — here are a couple alarming phrases I’ve heard uttered:

“If you think it was rape, then it was rape.”

Really? So, no room for talk on the subject, then? Guilty by accusation? See, I don’t think that post-coital shame or regret or guilt equals rape. Bad life choices do not equal rape. Believe it or not, men feel these same things. “OH GOD WHAT DID I DO LAST NIGHT” does not equal rape. “WOW I HAD WAY TOO MUCH TO DRINK LAST NIGHT, I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD SEX WITH THAT PERSON” does not equal rape.

My prediction — and just wait and see — men will start bringing rape charges against women for the very same reasons. “I was intoxicated. I wasn’t making good decisions. She took advantage of me.”

Or then there’s this one: “Unless there is clear, enthusiastic consent, even in a loving relationship, then it is rape.”

I submit, then, that every sexually active man or woman that has ever lived has, at one time or another, been raped. I know I have.

I think we live in a rape culture. I do. And it disgusts me. But if we start from the presumption that every woman has been raped, then by that line of thinking, every man is a rapist. This type of thinking creates a divide of Monster vs Victim, and I think that is counterproductive, and harmful to society.

Without further ado, on with the tale…

***Disclaimer*** this is satire.

————–

“I had a really great time tonight, Adam.”

“Me, too, Eve. Me, too. I hope it is not too forward, but I am really interested in engaging in sexual intercourse with you.”

Eve’s pupils dilated and her cheeks flushed.

“I would not be opposed to the idea,” she said, reaching into her purse for her tablet. “Shall we?”

“Oh yes,” Adam said, excitedly filling out the contract on Eve’s tablet, stating his intentions and preferences. When he had finished, Eve did the same and handed it back to him for review.

“This looks good,” he said. “Ah…”

“What is it?” Eve asked, annoyed.

“Well, see, under foreplay, you’ve checked NO to fellatio, but YES to cunnilingus,” Adam said, unable to hide his disappointment.

“I’m not in the mood for that,” she replied plainly.

Adam groaned, “But I am.”

Suddenly a klaxon wailed in Adam’s apartment.

WARNING! ANY ATTEMPT AT COERCION WILL BE CATEGORIZED AS SEXUAL ASSAULT. PLEASE CLARIFY YOUR INTENT OR I WILL BE FORCED TO ALERT THE AUTHORITIES, ADAM!

“I’m sorry,” Adam said. “I retract my statement. I’m fine with that.”

“Thank you,” Eve said. “And you’ll see I only chose Cunnilingus 1, which means you may go down on me, but are under no obligation to bring me to orgasm.”

“Why, thank you,” Adam said. “That’s a very considerate concession.”

“I like you, Adam,” Eve said. “You seem like one of the good ones.”

“Thank you, Eve. I like you, too.”

Adam scrolled down the list of acceptable positions and nodded, checking off each one as he went.

“Ah, I see you’ve left this blank,” Adam said. “What are your preferences for ejaculation?”

Eve gave Adam a naughty look. “I thought I’d leave that up to you.”

“Oh, you’re wicked!” Adam said, and motioned to the well-lit bed. “Shall we engage?”

Eve thought for a moment, and then took the tablet back from Adam. “You know, on second thought, I’m not really in the mood tonight.”

Adam sighed. “Fine.”

WARNING, the house-robot’s voice called again, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE SIGHING UPON ALTERATION OF A SEXUAL CONTRACT IS CONSIDERED FIRST DEGREE RAPE OF A PSYCHOLOGICAL NATURE. PLEASE REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE AND WAIT FOR THE AUTHORITIES TO ARRIVE. I REPEAT — YOU ARE BEING CHARGED AS A SEX OFFENDER — PLEASE AWAIT THE AUTHORITIES.

Eve recoiled from Adam in disgust. “My mother was right,” she sneered. “All men are rapists.”

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8 responses to “Sex in the 22nd Century – A Cautionary Tale

  1. My wife and I were talking the other morning about how our teens seem to think of sex as something blasé and not a big deal — something I surmised wad due in large part to their being so overly exposed to it in movies, music, online, etc. On one hand, as a father of four teens (2 boys, 2 girls) I’m glad they aren’t sex obsessed like teens in my day. On the other hand, it saddens me to think that the passion and sense of importance about sex seems to be missing from the next generation. That being said, I believe the ease by which “rape” is being thrown around is a direct result of a generation that doesn’t fully understand or appreciate the meaning of physical intimacy with another person.

    • In my __ years on this planet, I’ve seen sex be revered as something holy and traded as a tawdry consumable. I do think that people of all ages forget the impact that sex has on a person — like violence, we’ve become numb to it.

  2. If sci-fi is anything to go by; there will only be virtual sex in the future.

    I get what you are saying here. Not everything should be labeled rape. However as you commented to Ned above people don’t always realize the impact sex can have can have on a person.
    People need to have more respect for their partners and themselves.
    As for what constitutes rape that is a discussion that should be had; to raise awareness that some behavior is just not okay.

      • Agreed. A measure of responsibility needs to be exercised when accusations fly around. Unfortunately some like to cry woolf when there is none
        This makes it much harder for those to speak up when there is a good reason to.
        Also some are blind to the impact accusations can have on the life of the accused; especially when the accuser does so out of spite or some other nonsense reason.

  3. I totally agree! “Women” these days scold men for not getting written consent for sex yet we yearn to be “taken,” as displayed in bestseller romance novels. We can’t have everything both ways.

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