Today I give you a special treat, darlings… as promised, I was writing something truly special, dipping my delicate dilettante digits into yet another medium — this time, a Shakespearean style play, for reasons that should be obvious, or if they be not, will soon become clear. 2015 began with what can only be properly described as villainy in our lives, and the villain in question provoked my wrath, inspiring a literary retribution of Shakespearean proportions… So, sit back, and grab your playbill as I present to you a first look at my new book, which I’m releasing concurrently with Memoirs of a Dilettante Volume Two, and will available for pre-order soon.
Penny had been crying for three hours straight, and I knew well enough to let her be. Penny isn’t the type to cry unless her heart is truly broken. The fact that this is the second time that it had been broken by the same person had put me in a truly ugly disposition, and I had already begun plotting the downfall of the young woman known in Casa de Hann-Basquiat only as the Empress. We do not speak her name anymore, especially after the events of last spring, when she lied first to Penny, and then to the entire student committee that Penny belonged to. You may recall Penny calling for the Empress’ head on a stick, and quite frankly, darlings, she deserved it. She deserved a reckoning of truly Shakespearean proportions…
The Countess Penelope of Arcadia, my very favourite niece, was the financial officer of the Society of the University of Arcadia. Nearly a year before, a group of students had been kicked out of the Society for misconduct. But then they began to publicly slander via the book of Face, the members of the committee, The Countess Penelope included.
Justice (and the vote of committee) declared that they should have been expelled. Instead, the Empress, weak-minded fool that she is, caved to the pressure of petitions and politics and invited them back into the Society, all sins forgiven. Only she acted without the support or authority of the rest of the committee, and made this invitation in secret. Penelope found out about this, and confronted the Empress privately, only to have the Empress deny all knowledge. However, Penelope had proof by way of email that the Empress had indeed committed these foul deeds, and did confront her in the assembly of the rest of the committee.
I had very much wished to continue this story by telling you that the Empress had been removed from her station, or maybe even that she’d been drawn and quartered, or forced to clean the toilets of Grand Central Station with her tongue, or some other fitting punishment. I’d very much love to tell you that Penelope quit the society, flipped them the bird and told them that if they needed her help, they could go fornicate with themselves. It would make a much finer, more emotionally satisfying tale if I could relate to you how the offenders were denied membership in the Society, and were indeed expelled from the school, and were all now working at the local workhouse and regretting their immaturity. It would be a lovely tale, darlings, but I wouldn’t want to lie to you. I’m guilty of many things, but I’m not a liar. At least, not when it counts.
No, the truth is, this committee was populated by the very young, and often, the very young lack the mettle to do what is right, because sometimes doing what is right is unpopular. Or perhaps it is their youthful lack of confidence – fear that they would be doing the wrong thing. Who knows. Whatever the case, there was a lot of talk, but at the end of the day, nothing was done, and the Empress kept her position, and Penelope, in fact, was coaxed back with desperate pleas, and Penelope, sweet, trusting soul that she is, went back.
But the Empress, it seems, did not forget. Nearly a year has passed, and young Penelope has gratefully left that world behind, and good riddance. But as villains often do, the Empress is lying in wait to exact her vengeance, and an opportunity has, unbeknownst to Penelope, just arisen.
Now to fair Arcadia, where we lay our scene.
Act One, Scene One can be found at FINDING TWINDADDY
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