Friday Fictioneers – Like a Rolling Stone

Hello darlings, how are you all?

I’ve missed being here, and it has been a hectic couple of weeks, let me tell you.

I fear I’ve not done this week’s prompt justice, but then, you’ll have to decide for yourselves. I was afraid of writing the same thing as everyone else and so I intentionally ignored the picture itself and instead went for the metaphor — as in, I metaphor breakfast, she had the Eggs Benedict and I had some pancakes.

So, be gentle, darlings — I’m out of practice.

Are you new? This is Friday Fictioneers, hosted by the lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Rules of Engagement are HERE.

You can add your own story or read the others by clicking the little blue frog.

This week’s photo is by Claire Fuller, and it’s fantastic. Had I been in a poetical mood I might have written something romantic (and by romantic I mean Romantic Literature-like… not kissy kissy romantic).

claire-fuller-3

 

Look at her.
Barely forty; not seventy.
She just sits in that chair, watching TV, never doing anything.
She could be travelling, seeing the world, going on vacations. And it’s not about the money. She’s got money. She goes to work every day, collects her paycheck, never spending any of it.
Instead, she just sits there like a stone gathering moss.
Well, not me. I’m going to follow my heart.
I’m leaving this place. My heart’s not here, and so I’m going to find where it lies.
They say home is where the heart is, but I’ve no direction home.

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28 responses to “Friday Fictioneers – Like a Rolling Stone

  1. Awesome. This Friday Fictioneers thing seems like a hoot. Might need to check out the rules. I seem to have lost touch with my creative prompt sources lately…

    • It’s a good way to get readers (not that you need any help with that) and if you’re not feeling productive, it’s a good way to get the creative juices flowing. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, that’s not the problem right now. I’m writing like mad — but I need to do more reading and socializing otherwise my readership will dry right up.

  2. I might give the next one a go. I’m terrible with these things though and have never done one. I look at the statue and all I can think of is Ozymandias, not because I know anything about Shelley, but because I’m a huge Breaking Bad fan. Then I think, well … nothing I write can really compete with Ozymandias, and I give up. Doh!

  3. Hey Love. I know I owe you an email. It is forthcoming. Now as for your return from an absence I was unaware of- not bad but not your best. Of course on first read I thought shit is she talking to me. I know I’ve been a 40 turned 70 lump lately but come on. 😉

    What if you changed the end of the last line (my favorite part BTW) to say something like” They say home is where the heart is but I’ve no sense of direction . Now on second read I don’t think that is what you were after. I’m going back in my hole. D

    • This story really is a piece of shit, darling — I got stuck on the whole “A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss” thing, and then tried to force the line “No Direction Home” from the Dylan song in there, coupled with the idea that if home is where the heart is, and you have no direction home, than you don’t know where your heart is, either. It’s complete and utter shit, but every baby will tell you that Everybody Poops.

      • I got the “no sense of home/ don’t know your own heart” correlation. That is the part I liked.So I guess it was just a skid mark.

      • I always do things spectacularly, darling. Even failing. It not that this shows a lack of effort – I think you can see what I was TRYING to say, but it just falls on its head like a broken winged albatross trying to get off the ground. It’s like a recipe that just didn’t go right, and is so god-awfully inedible that it’s declared a bio-hazard. It’s like any movie with Kirsten Dunst in it. (My critique of it is, dare I say, far better than the story itself)

  4. Dear Helena,

    Close enough to the photo for me. 😉 Nice to see you back here. I also chose not to write about Kings.

    Your story makes a strong statement. Personally I liked it.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  5. Helena,
    Moss and a rolling stone fit neatly into the story. Had I not read the previous interaction between you and Rochelle, I might have thought this to be the thoughts of a soon-to-be-ex lover. It works either way.

    You’re right about this not being your best piece, but all of the creativity and plenty of realism are there. Set it on the shelf for a few days, and you’ll find a few spots where you can polish this diamond. It is truly great stuff, m’dear.

    Cheers!
    Marie Gail

    • Well, thanks for the encouragement, darling — I like the thought process of this one, but I’ve seen better execution at a Texas prison.
      Seriously, I get better delivery from my pizza place. The sentence structure was so weak, if it were a house, it’d be condemned.
      Shall I go on?

      • I think the “distance” you need is looking at it without trying to roll in all the allusions. Read it as though those weren’t allusions and decide what sounds clunky. Then you’ll be free to craft it into your voice (which is the important thing that’s missing here).

        Cheers!
        MG

  6. I was wondering who the narrator was and was torn between teenage daughter and bored husband. From the other comments it looks like teenage daughter wins. I know what it’s like to post something you’re less than proud of, but honestly, if you hadn’t told us we probably wouldn’t have guessed 🙂

  7. Welcome back, Helena! I was delighted to see your icon on the list this week.
    Personally, I didn’t get the teenage daughter – I was thinking more of a neighbor or colleague, but it worked well on that basis too, so that’s not a criticism. I liked the bitchiness you gave the voice and the sense of longing to move on, and on.
    If I’ve one critique it would be the last line, which I think overdid it a bit. I was already there with where it lies, so I’d consider cutting the last line and using those words elsewhere (if you like, to make the relationship clear, although as I say, I don’t think that’s necessary unless it’s important to you.)
    Jen

    • Hi Jen,

      Good to be back, of course, but I stand by my indictment of this piece as rubbish. I know this is going to sound awful, but sometimes, you write something that you’re not at all invested in, and as such, are just as happy to crumble up and say — well, that sucked! This is one of those times. Not that it’s not salvageable, of course (and I agree with you about the last line. It’s like I had a square peg and a round hole and got out my knife and shaved it a bit and forced it in) but I really don’t care to. I’ll just move on to the next thing. There’s a band I like called The Decemberists, and I’ve seen them a couple of times live, and they started a joke by playing what they deem “the worst song they’ve ever written” — it’s become a crowd favourite because they are able to laugh at themselves and admit that sometimes they have stinker ideas. This is my stinker.

  8. That’s a nice attitude to take! I think we’ve all written less-favourite pieces over the weeks (years) and there’s nowt wrong with leaving the stinkers to rot. I don’t think this is quite as stinky as you feel, but certainly not your strongest ever. Don’t worry, you’ll be back in the swing of it soon…

    • Oh, I’m writing up a storm with other stuff, I think maybe that’s my problem — I have a one track mind right now, and trying to write something else is more of a distraction than anything else.

  9. I second rgayer55’s statement, “You don’t sound rusty to me.”
    And don’t put down the writing of one of my most favorite bloggers! Whatever you write, even if you call it shit, is eminently readable and always enjoyable, because there’s this crazy, restless, wild, free-spirited person behind it who goes by the name of Helena Hann-Baquiat!

  10. Helena,
    I’m not clever enough to critique so I will leave that to the big kids. I have been gone for awhile too. So we can flex our fingers and stretch our brains back into step together.
    ~L

    PS: Loved your comment to DCT Designs! My dad used to always tell me: “If you are going to do a thing then do it well.” I have made some fantastic failures in my time. 😉

  11. Dear Helena, Your “rubbish” is better than my best stuff. As talent goes, you were lucky to receive and extra dose and I like your story this week! Whatever you write, it’s entertaining. Now as for me, I need to get off my “bum” and go see the world – just as soon as I win the lottery, or, a sweepstakes contest. You are Marvelous Helena! Nan 🙂

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