Eat My Pussy Revisited – Helena’s Shaved Wet Pussy

Oh my god, Helena, again with the provocative blog title?

Well, yes, darlings, but just bear with me. It’s a funny little experiment I’m engaging in.

Okay, Helena, we trust you.

Thank you. Now, a little while back, Jessica B. Bell wrote a two piece story entitled Eat My Pussy. (Read PART ONE and PART TWO). Now, I assure you, darlings, that it is in no way pornographic or even mildly erotic, to be honest. The pussy in question is not at all a vulgar reference to female genitalia. So go ahead… go read it. I guarantee you’ll have a good laugh or two.

The trouble with titling a story “Eat My Pussy” is, well, it attracts the porn-hounds. And so, even though I have written many posts since then, including two that got Freshly Pressed, and boosted my readership greatly, the TOP search in my stats is still “EAT MY PUSSY”, and Part One is still showing up as a consistently top viewed post — but it’s important to note that those same people who view Part One do not carry on to Part Two, even though there’s a clear link at the bottom of the story.

I can only imagine the disappointment when these poor desperate souls arrive at my blog only to find that it is practically 100% Cunnilingus Free (and yes, darlings, some of you may be thinking that’s a damn shame, and I might be tempted to agree with you, but…).

And so, for all you perverts out there, and for all you lovely darlings who enjoy a good joke at the expense of a man whose blood has rushed to his nether-regions, thus making his IQ drop exponentially, I give you one more gift. A video of my shaved wet pussy:

And now that I’ve stooped so low as to exploit myself like this, it makes me feel positively sparkling clean to say that if you enjoy my sense of humour, you are really going to want to pre-order my book, Memoirs of a Dilettante Volume One by clicking on the Kickstarter button on the right. With only 13 days left to hit my goal, every little bit helps. It’s not about the grand gestures, it’s about crowdfunding — your $5 gets you the e-book PLUS a couple of really creepy stories as a bonus. And if you were thinking that want a personalized copy of the paperback — well, this is the ONLY way to get it — I don’t plan on offering personalized copies on a regular basis after this campaign is done.

And if you don’t want my scribbles all over your nice new book, there’s book-only options as well. Please take a minute to not only check it out, but place an order. Take a chance on an indie writer, or support one you’ve been loving for some time now (because you know you love me, darlings!)

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42 responses to “Eat My Pussy Revisited – Helena’s Shaved Wet Pussy

  1. Loved the video. I thought kitty was going to hit the jet button for a second there. That would not have been good. Hope your target is met since I do want scribbles on my copy of the Memoirs.

  2. Will you be signing your books Thanks for supporting me, now eat my pussy, love helena? Cause im definitely buying a book. Hell, I will anyway!

    • For you, darling, I will gladly! Now, I know I’ve been a tease today, but don’t treat me in kind! Go check out the Kickstarter and put me out of the misery of anxiously wondering if the goal’s going to be met!!! Cheers, Renee.

      • I need to write to you about that, I have been trying to sort my Skrill to support you for days, but its not working :/ I will have to ask you most probubly to send me a payment request, but will know for sure tomorrow

      • No problems I just know how much you were looking forward to it I will work with you to figure out how to receive the payment however it is necessary! Oh and really cool pictures on that post today whose artwork is that?

      • There is a link right under the picture to the artists gallery 🙂
        I am at the moment swamped with work I can hardly breathe, and remember that migraine I told you I was succesfully dodging? Day 4, out of painkillers, doctors of Serbia are on a strike, bank clerks playing Solitaire and are utterly spastic when you mention them “internet payment”.
        But I will write to you tomorrow so u can send me the request form, if they fail to fix stuff.

  3. You’re so close to your Kickstarter goal! Also,for what it’s worth, I think your links are a bit hard to spot – another color, perhaps, so people don’t overlook the magical bridge to Kickstarter Terabithia?

    And finally: I have shared a bed with one of those pussies before. They are TERRIFYING. I woke up and it was sitting on my chest, staring at me like a shriveled demon.

  4. Ha ha! This post is not going to redirect such chaps away from your blog, you know. It’ll be interesting to see how your viewing stats leap after this!
    I have chucked some Canadian dollars into the pot. I hope you reach your target 🙂

    • I’m a psychologist at heart, darling, and a dedicated PEOPLE WATCHER in real life — so monitoring people’s internet behaviour just seems the natural next step. Thank you for pre-ordering, Ali — I can’t wait for you to see the book! (which, if all goes well, should be in your hands by the end of April, I’m guessing — I know the Kickstarter says JUNE, but that’s just Jim giving us some buffer time)

  5. Pingback: Crazy Helena’s 24 Hour March Madness Event (AKA – This Baby’s Coming Whether You Like it or Not!) | Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante.·

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