Story Ideas You Can Have For Free – Courtesy of Your Favourite Dilettante

Hello, darlings, and welcome to my garage sale (how delightfully tacky!) of ideas that have been kicking around my head taking up valuable space. (I contend that perhaps it’s them rattling around that is giving me this awful headache today.)

And so, I’m ridding myself of them. Putting them out on the lawn with a big FREE sign attached to them.

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1. A revenge/black comedy idea of a man who finds out his wife’s having an affair with their dentist, and on the morning that he goes in to see the dentist to get his teeth cleaned (as a subterfuge to confront him about the affair) he makes sure to eat a big bag of popcorn before he goes in. Hilarity ensues.

—-

 

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2. A ironic tale of a suspicious and greedy wine collector who, when the war that threatens to end everything breaks out, barricades himself in his wine cellar and agonizes over whether to drink any of his valuable collection — it’s wine, after all, and meant to be drunk, but he just can’t bring himself to do it, and ends up dying without ever having a drop.

hippie-van3. A story of a guy driving a big old “hippie van” across the US, headed for the west coast for some big music festival (Coachella or whatever) Β and picking up hitchhikers on the way. Only one of the hitchers he picks up is an ex-con, who recognizes the driver as a terrible murderer that he once did time with — a guy that was supposed to be dead; executed for his crimes a couple of years before. I could see this being a straight thriller or perhaps even having a supernatural element.

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4. A Kafka-esque story of a man being sued for paternity by a box of Kleenex. Just imagine the image of thousands of bastard tissue children.

13819827642855. A black comedy about a woman who fakes her own death and goes into hiding, where she learns of her husband’s failed plot to kill her. To get her revenge on him, she decides to “haunt” him in all kinds of crazy ways.

download (1)6. A nasty little horror story about a mute serial killer whose M.O. is leaving bodies with their mouths sewn shut. When they cut the threads, inside the mouth they find a piece of paper with a couple of lines from Alice in Wonderland written on it, and a gaudy, fake plastic pearl. I’d call itΒ Oysters,Β but feel free to stray from that suggestion as it suits you.

Well, darlings, that clears my head a little. If anyone out there does take any of these, I’d love to see what you come up with! Now, don’t fight over them — I’m sure more than one person could take one of these ideas and run in different directions.

I you do happen, by some astronomical chance, to take one of these ideas and make a zillionaire of yourself — don’t forget to tip your server!

Your favourite dilettante,

Helena

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46 responses to “Story Ideas You Can Have For Free – Courtesy of Your Favourite Dilettante

  1. I wants them, I WANTS THEM! The hippy van, the woman who haunts her husband and the serial killer all make me want to chuck aside all my current projects and get stuck in!!! I will have to be disciplined though….permission to lock away in my mind-safe until I have wriitng space and/or a break from the novel??

      • Funny you should ask. I just decided not ten minutes ago to take a short break from my blog so I could get it put together. And I think that title you came up with is the strongest part of the whole project. If you’re not in advertising or marketing you should be.

      • Well, you just made my day, darling — I think what it really is is that I’m a producer at heart — a patron of the arts — I love encouraging people and helping birth ideas. What I really need is unlimited financial resources so I could just start a publishing company. Or maybe a record studio. Or an art gallery. Or.. Or.. Or… Well, keep me updated! I’m so excited!

      • I will. You should start a publishing company. Seriously. I think you would be excellent at it. And it could be an e-publishing — so very little overhead until you get those unlimited financial resources!!

      • Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. I hate when talented people don’t get the lucky breaks they deserve! I don’t blame you for not wanting to get hurt again.

  2. These are all so good, but I feel particularly drawn to number 3 πŸ˜‰ I might take a whack at it when I’m fed up with my other writing πŸ™‚

    • So many possibilities with them. I’d toyed with having it be a bit of metafiction, and have one of the hitchers be Holden Caulfield, and another be Jack Kerouac, another Allen Ginsberg, another a young Charles Manson — like a kind of Twilight Zone kind of feel. And then again, like I said, it could just be a straight thriller.

  3. That’s quite an eclectic mix – I can see how you needed to get them out of your head, all mixed up together like that!
    “There was this tissue who went looking for his dad the dentist in his hippy van when suddenly a wine-drinking ghost sowed his mouth up shut. The End.” How about that?
    πŸ™‚

  4. Reblogged this on Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante. and commented:

    Remember this one, darlings? Well, now it’s your turn. I’d like to have a couple more Jessica B. Bell stories to go in the upcoming collection, titled VISERA (more news soon!) and so I put it to you, dear readers, to offer up your unused ideas, your castaways — those thoughts that have been on the back-burner so long that if they don’t get used soon they are going to go bad. Yes, darlings, it’s Rag and Bone time — I’ll take whatever you’ve got, and if Jessica uses one of your ideas, you’ll get a special thanks in the book. Let’s hear what you’ve got.

  5. I am in complete agreement with DCTdesigns. I almost wept when I read that he didn’t drink a drop…I would have been shit-faced wasted.

    • Yes…. I’ve seen that cinematic abortion… (not that I’m opinionated or anything). Actually, it’s not a bad movie, it’s just a TERRIBLE adaption of Hellblazer. Tilda Swinton is fucking magnificent in that movie.
      Take it! Take it and write it! I would be so flattered and pleased if you would.

      • Lol! It did fall short but I thought of that part where Pruitt Taylor Vince’s character was trying to get a drink and…
        Well you know. πŸ˜‰
        That would be my similar spin on it. Maybe I’ll do one of my short stories on it that I do on here. I have some readers that really love them. You’ll be credited & there will probably be a link back to this post.

        P.S. I just met you but I can tell we’re gonna get along. BlogLand is such a wonderful place full of like-mindedness…

      • I’m always always happy to meet a reader — an actual reader. I have had a busy year and a half on here – I’ve written and published one book, have the second volume done but ready for editing, and at the same time, wrote a book of short fiction and am 3/4 of the way through a serial novel that I’ve been publishing sporadically over the last year. It’s actually my primary focus right now, getting it done. SO… you can imagine how hard it is to keep people interested in my blog and/or gaining NEW readers to the blog when most of my new posts are continuations of a novel that’s been in the works for a year. Getting people to jump on? Not easy. PLUS, Fiction blogs aren’t very popular in the first place. It’s a brave new world out there, and mostly we spend it trading cute cat pictures, gossip and pornography.
        But anyway… I can’t wait to see what you come up with.
        Like I said — Constantine would have been a great little flick if I had no prior knowledge of the wonderful comic book.

      • Wow – you are a superhero. I’d be lucky if I could get even one of those things done with my son climbing the walls these days.

        & Sadly, fiction blogs are grossly unpopular & misunderstood. That’s why I mix my content up. I mainly just share my art on here & the life stories & fiction are just an added bonus.

        You’ve seem to have found a healthy balance here, though. I’m obviously not the only one (nor the first) that’s charmed by your words. πŸ˜€

        I’ll be in touch. I tend to post more on the weekends lately but that should change in the fall. You’ll know it’s up when you get the little Ping thingy. (Jeez, aren’t I Captain Obvious today? Forgive me, I need more coffee. & Maybe a shock to the heart. Or both. I dunno.)

  6. I used the image of the sutured lips for a post of mine on wordpress itself. I have credited it to you of course. I hope you don’t mind, but if you do, just drop me a message and I’ll remove the pic.
    This is the link to my post-
    http://wp.me/p1yn2L-h3

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