Over the next few days I will reveal the truth about the lies. (SORRY FOR THE DELAY — I GOT THE FLU!)
Lie #1: Helena Hann-Basquiat and the Tattoo of Parental Perturbation
Lie #2: Helena Hann-Basquiat’s Brush With Fame
Lie #3: Helena Hann-Basquiat and the Cast of Kick Ass
Lie #4: The Countess is Tyler Durden
The Countess Penelope of Arcadia does not exist. She’s just me, darlings. She’s the me that I want to be but cannot bring myself to be. She says what I want to say, breaks all the rules that I want to break, and is my solace in the lonely nights all by my friendless self. Much like Brad Pitt‘s character in Fight Club (and with all the Fight Club references, darlings, you really should have seen this) Penny is not really there — she’s just the coinage of my brain — perhaps the result of a blob of mustard, a bit a bad beef, or an undercooked potato.
The truth: Of course Penny is real, darlings — if Penny were not real, I really would go insane. I may, from time to time, stretch the truth a wee little bit, or perhaps exaggerate some of the circumstances for the sake of narrative, but believe me — The Countess Penelope of Arcadia exists — and isn’t the world a better place because of it?