Over the next few days I will reveal the truth about the lies.
Lie #1: Helena Hann-Basquiat and the Tattoo of Parental Perturbation
Lie #2: Helena Hann-Basquiat’s Brush With Fame
As some of you may know, I was briefly the lead singer for Quixotic Exotica, a now defunct band based in the San Francisco Bay area, and one time after a show at Gilman in Berkeley, a quiet, suprisingly clean cut looking guy came up to me with a greyhound (vodka and grapefruit juice, darlings, or as I called it in those days, breakfast, lunch and dinner) in hand. Normally I wouldn’t accept a drink from a stranger, but the guy looked familiar, and his smile was unnervingly disarming. He said he’d asked the bartender what my drink was, and when I looked over at the bar, Clint (yes, I was on a first name basis with the bartender, what of it?) was staring at me with a big smile on his face like he knew something I didn’t. Which he apparently did, because the guy turned out to be Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. He’d been home visiting his folks and popped in to hear us play (Green Day used to play there) and just wanted to compliment me on my singing. Had I known he was in the audience, I might have suggested we didn’t do our mock cover of Brainstew, but apparently, he liked it.
The Truth: Sorry to disappoint, darlings, but that charming fellow who walked up to me after a show one night just wanted into your favourite dilettante’s pants, and actually tried to pass himself off as Billy Joe Armstrong — he was, in fact, a poseur of the most despicable kind, and no, he did not see the inside of my bedroom, let alone the inside of my… well… anything else.