I am using my 200th post to say thank you to all you angels out there, and in particular, one — he knows who he is — for the kindness you’ve shown me. It’s no secret to any of you that I am currently going through a dark time, and while I try to push through, I feel like my feet are mired in mud, and every once in a while, I feel a hand grab mine and pull me forward, and I look up, and there is one of you, saying Come on, darling… keep going…
Last night I got a random email from just such an angel — and while I don’t believe in angels, per se, if I did, I suppose he would qualify — though, certainly not in an androgynous, pale winged way – more like something out of a Wim Wenders film. A chain smoking, existential angel looking for the heart of humanity and maybe bumping into Lou Reed and Peter Falk along the way. Not, I repeat, not (italicized, bolded, undercored) a Nicolas Cage knock-off of those brilliant films (Wings of Desire and Faraway, So Close! If you haven’t seen them, and you only saw that bloody awful Hollywood take City of Angels, then, darlings, you missed the whole point.)
But I digress — it’s what I do, darlings, and I hope you’ll forgive me.
I thank you for giving me a place to be vulnerable. Each day I have to face the world and pretend that nothing’s wrong; that I am fine and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts (to crib a Kurt Vonnegut Jr. line).
Here is where I’m allowed to fall apart; to crumble, to chastise myself for doing so, and to laugh at myself for my melodramatic meanderings.
Here’s to another 200 posts. I hope you’re all still here then. (Oh, and, could you maybe tell your friends? Seriously, there’s, like, 10 of you reading!)
Sigh… SMILEY FACE SMILEY FACE SMILEY FACE