In the spirit of Hallowe’en and unmasking, I have decided, after careful consideration, to reveal my true face and identity to you for your astonishment and bewilderment!
The truth is, my name is Jack, and I am a 53 year old man who lives in Pewaukee, Wisconsin, subsisting on a diet of cheese and Green Bay Packers foodstuffs, which might explain my morbid obesity.
Here is a picture of my actual face:
Sorry, should I have saved this for April Fools’ Day, darlings?
It’s enough to make you shudder, isn’t it?
Just call me Helena O’Lantern, trickster extraordinaire!