Friday Fictioneers – Unfaithful

Here’s my addition to this weeks’ Friday Fictioneers. Is it my best work? Meh. It was a good idea, but I’ll leave it up to you to judge how well I pulled it off with only 100 words. This was probably the first time that I actually wrote something and scrapped it nearly completely and wrote it from a different angle.

It’s 100 words exactly, as I’m a stickler for these things (with myself anyway) and if you are reading this and have no idea what Friday Fictioneers is, well, just go HERE and find out. You can find quick little stories to read, and the photo prompt (This week’s photo is from the lady herself, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields) and maybe you’ll want to participate, or maybe you’ll just do some reading.

Feedback always appreciated but never demanded.

———–

copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

The tiny Etch-a-Sketch desperately scrawled: HELP ME.

“No one’s coming to save you,” a voice spoke.

“What’s going on here?” The newest addition to the shelf demanded. “Who’s there? Where am I?”

A collective sigh rose from the shelf.

“Cindy? It’s all dark, I can’t see anything!”

“Cindy your wife, then?” A roller skate that had once bedded his wife’s twin asked.

“No, Cindy’s my… nevermind.”

“Your wife’s a witch, mate,” the blue car explained. His students were his vice.

“No fury like a woman scorned,” the bicycle added sorrowfully.

Mad scribbles filled the screen of the Etch-a-Sketch in horror.

———–

Treasure from Fairyland by Misskzebra is not what you’d expect. Really magical, darlings, check it out.

Put on some Leonard Cohen and cue up the John Steinbeck film festival and then go read The Bottle by Björn Rudberg.  Tissues not provided.

The Imaginator lived up to his name this week with Message Room. That’s MESSAGE room, not MASSAGE room — it’s not that kind of story, darlings. But it is a good one.

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38 responses to “Friday Fictioneers – Unfaithful

  1. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here, but it’s very frightening and I wish you’d stop. 😉 The image of that Etch-a-Sketch will stay with me. Well done.

    • Yeah, I know. I thought of calling the story “Fetishes” but wasn’t sure if that would make a difference. I really needed more room for this idea: a collection of souls trapped in little knick knacks by a witch who punishes unfaithful husbands on behalf of their wronged wives (see, I think it took me 100 bloody words just to give the explanation!!!)
      I’m chalking this one up as a “Hey, maybe write this as a bigger story” experience.

  2. I loved the concept, and your first and last lines were fantastically chilling, but you’re right about needing more room. Take the space you need, and you’ll have a fabulous short story!

  3. Hi Helena,
    Mad scribbles indeed. I think Etchy might have some things in common with another writer. You’ve given vivid vocal voices to these various varmints (alliteration for your amusement). Don’t tell anyone, but Boston is overrated. How can any place known for beans and sox be that good? Ron

  4. My mother-in-law has this exact shelf……wait a minute……I think it IS her shelf………you must go to Random Lake, Wisconsin and help her sort out her own shelf stories, because she doesn’t know what to do with all this stuff.

    And, I’d want to be the bike, because MTM would……..oh, never mind.

  5. Dear Helena,

    I missed the soul collector the first and second go arounds. I think if my soul were captured anywhere it would be in an etch-a-sketch. 😉 Intriguing.

    Shalom

    Rochelle

  6. Dear Helena,

    I could get lost in your worlds. This story is one that requires swimming deep and looking up through the silver surface. When the water calms, you can see where you came from while still immersed and all becomes clear. Good job.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  7. I think you nailed it. A very spare telling of what happens when you piss off the wrong person. Doomed to live out your days in a tiny cubby on a shelf….nicely done!

  8. No fury like a witch scorned, and what a nasty fate to end up like these poor guys! Methinks it’ll be a long time before the Etch-a-Sketch writes/draws something positive on its screen. I’d continue those mad scribbles for a long time.

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