On Writing a Character of the Opposite Gender (A Very Serious and Informative Literary Discussion Not To Be Taken Lightly)

Top ten signs a man is writing a woman who has no understanding of women

10. She always climaxes loudly and enthusiastically during sex.
9. She loves hearing about his physical ailments
8. She is very excited about exploring her bi-sexuality for a threesome
7. She’s completely not self-conscious about her body, and exudes a confidence that makes her even more beautiful (blah blah blah)
6. She loves cooking for her man, and then bringing him a cold beer, because she knows he’ll find this sexy.
5. She finds sluttiness empowering.
4. She never obsesses about why he hasn’t called or texted. (Men have no idea how to capture how truly neurotic we can really be.)
3. She finds his “sweaty musk enchanting” (yeah, take a shower if you think I’m going anywhere near you)
2. She likes being asked “Who’s your daddy?”
And the number one way you can tell that a man is writing as a woman but has never seen a woman outside a magazine:
1. She refers to her clitoris as her Ladycock.
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11 responses to “On Writing a Character of the Opposite Gender (A Very Serious and Informative Literary Discussion Not To Be Taken Lightly)

  1. Ladycock is almost as repulsive as Meatwallet.

    Also, when I read erotica and see women described as petite with size 54EE breasts, I just sigh. Those numbers do not mean what you think they mean, my friend.

  2. You’re publishing our correspondence before we’re both famous or dead. Although, since I contributed absolutely nothing to this other than hypothetical beverage-shooting-out-of-nose, I have no real complaints.

    11. She comments often about the size of his (insert erotica terms for male genitalia here).

  3. I don’t mean to take it lightly, but this is funny. I am proud to say I’ve never written a female character with any of the above qualities. Thanks for the not-taken-lightly humor. You’re awesome!

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