Transfer Notice – Friday Fictioneers

Having just bared what passes for my soul over the past couple of days wrapping up what is essentially Volume One of the Memoirs, I thought I’d take Friday Fictioneers in a direction that it has never gone before, proving once and for all that I don’t actually have a soul, just a vacant space with a For Rent sign hanging off the door.

Before you read mine, you may want to go by Rachel Wisoff-Field’s purple page and read the other entries, which have got to be, well, different than mine, darlings. Maybe you’ll decide to try your hand at this challenge — to tell a self-contained story using only 100 words (more or less).


photo by Randy Maize

photo by Randy Maize

Do I look nervous to you?

Oh god, I look nervous, don’t I?

I don’t want to show any weakness.

Everyone hears rumours, but no one who’s been and returned will talk about it.

Poor Billy just hasn’t been right since he came back. He spends all his time rolling around in the tall grass bleating and repeating that he’ll never be clean again.

Clarisse the lamb screams every night in her sleep.

I just got my transfer notice today.

I’m trying my best to stay strong, but I’m nervous.

What exactly goes on at a Heavy Petting Zoo anyway?


100 Words (three of which are likely to get me banned from the Internet)

Apologies to animal lovers everywhere — except those type of animal lovers — no apologies to you, you filthy buggers.

As is my custom, I will share my favourites below as I discover them, though why you’d trust my judgement is beyond me, darlings.

First up we have “Cometh the Gruff”, a gothic tale in the tradition of Shirley Jackson by one of my new favourites, Mr. JKBradley

You’re going to think I’m being lazy and just picking two in a row, but KZ’s untitled take on a writer’s musings was full of wonderful language and tight prose. I’ve watched her writing get progressively better over the past couple of months, and I can’t believe I’ve never mentioned her here before now.

I was blown away, I mean, really floored, by The Owl and The Goat by bridgesareforburning (Ron Pruitt). I don’t know if I’ve missed his stories before, (and if I did, I’m truly sorry!) or if this is just the first one that stood out, but one thing’s for certain — I’ll be paying closer attention from now on.

Hannah Sears brought her A game this week with Holy Goat — the banter between Ben and Zeke is just perfect.

The Servant’s Plea by Björn Rudberg is creepy. Like something out of Evil Dead creepy. And very well written — I mean, honestly — how often do you get to use the words chthonic and hircine in the same story?

Renee Heath writes some of the most sensual fiction I’ve read, and when she’s on, she’s ON. This week’s Past Present Future is just beautiful and haunting.

I was hooked by the title of Honie Briggs’ Mourning Nude At Night, and was not disappointed by the tale. It’s dependent of heavy dialect, and I confess I had to read it a couple of times before I really appreciated what was going on, but the play on words is just perfect.


69 responses to “Transfer Notice – Friday Fictioneers

  1. I always love watching Rudolph during the holidays, and now that I know Clarisse makes the occasional showing…ok, so she’s a lamb. Mutton anyone?

  2. I already have a condo (or is it a duplex) reserved, so if you get there first save me a spot. I actually read this differently than you intended the first time, I think. I liked it both ways. Honored to be mentioned–and thanks for pointing me to some great reads.

    As always, you go boldly where no one (man, woman, or dilettante) has gone before. It was tense, it was new, it was hellishly (pun SO intended) funny.

    • Ah…. yes, a condo with a riverside view of the glorious river Styx, winding it’s way through the underworld. Enjoy the balmy breezes and the fresh smell of brimstone as our baristas get your order wrong every morning.
      Do be sure to check out JKBradley’s and Ron Pruitt’s — they’ll be right up your alley for sure.

      • If only Cerberus would stop barking. And the Charon has the most disgusting come-ons every time he rows by to pick up a new soul. At least the coffee is always hot.

        I read them both—you have flawless taste, comme d’habitude.

      • I know, right? Charon always making lewd gestures with his paddle — yes, darling, it is quite long and hard, and no, I don’t want to see your enormous bone… sheesh.

      • The comments about the stiffs are really getting old. And the fact that they choose the oldest, most decrepit souls as cabana boys is really just cruel. No, Mr. Washington, I do NOT need to be spritzed with water from the Styx. I KNOW you were THE president but please, go away.

      • I suppose he probably wouldn’t end up there, would he? I should have picked a different historical figure. Robespierre perhaps?

    • Perry cracks me up. I just want to get him a fedora and start referring to him as agent P (you’ll just have to google that, darling — it’s from a kid’s show that’s more for adults than for kids)

  3. Yikers! I’m hoping no children are allowed in this “heavy petting” zoo. Darkly funny and cleverly conceived. You’ve got a winner with this one.

  4. Dear Helena,

    heavy petting zoo? That’s my story. Thanks for visiting, by the way.

    I loved your reference to Clarisse the lamb. Kept waiting for Hannibal to show up, but, alas…



  5. Helena,

    Love your story. Of course, I always love your work. Your slanted view of life is just, so, I don’t know, cool….

    You my darling have a soul. One of the best ones I’ve ever encountered.

    Thank you for showcasing my story. I didn’t think it was very good, but you proved me wrong. As did many other readers. Thank you my sweet.

    Love, Renee

    • Oh, Renee, you’re so hard on yourself! Of course, that’s why you’re so good — I get the feeling you’re never quite happy with your work, and strive so hard to improve upon it. It shows, darling — writing’s not easy — it’s hard work and it takes its toll on us.
      I always look forward to reading your stuff — you write romantically without being sappy and sexily without being vulgar. I love it!

      • Thanks darling. For every word. I want to sit at my computer and bleed a great story. I hope it comes to me soon. I need it too, so badly.

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