Dramatis Personae, or, What’s Going On (not affiliated in any way with the Marvin Gaye song)

It has come to my attention that not everyone is entirely familiar with the Dramatis Personae of my memoirs, and that perhaps it might even be daunting to some to dive into stories with unfamiliar characters — and I think that’s a damn shame, darlings. So I now direct you to the first story featuring both myself and the eccentric and delightful Countess Penelope of Arcadia (and just where is Arcadia, you ask? And is she a real Countess? Read and find out) It’s called Couche-Tard and the Jumping Asians, and it was designed to blow your fragile little mind, so don’t be surprised if you find your mind a little blown, as if your mind were a dusty Nintendo cartridge or something.
If you work your way forward from there, I can promise you, on my honour as a card carrying dilettante, that there will be laughs aplenty. There’s no strict narrative or anything, and if you skip through, you’re not going to miss any clues as to whodunnit (no spoilers, but Col. Mustard’s been looking mighty nervous), and besides, if I reference something from a post you missed, chances are, I’ve hyperlinked or “Related Articles”-ed that post.

So, grab yourself some chocolate milk and some white chocolate and maca-madamia nut cookies, and..

Why do we need chocolate milk? And, isn’t it just Macadamia Nut?

Ahh, I don’t remember opening the floor to questions, but okay then — anything for my adoring fans (I say with teeth clenched)

Well, since you asked, a) how is chocolate milk going to shoot out your nose if you are not drinking any? and b) no, I’m pretty sure it’s maca-madamia nut, and I don’t care what spell checker says. I am always correct.

Any other questions? No? Good. Now go read about Couche-Tards and Jumping Asians, and Montreal strip clubs, and oh, do say hello to Lucy Liu for me while you’re there.

Or you can go to the little tab marked The Sordid Tale So Far and there you’ll find a list of tales of your favourite dilettante and her ever-present protegee, the Countess Penelope of Arcadia.


4 responses to “Dramatis Personae, or, What’s Going On (not affiliated in any way with the Marvin Gaye song)

  1. 1) I feel fucking inspirational this week. Glad my non sequitors and ignorance can bring about good things! Looking forward to diving in and doggy-paddling about.

    2)I will respect maca-madamia nut if you can understand that the part of the grocery store with the fruit and vegetables is called the proDUCE aisle (emphasis on the second syllable).

  2. Reblogged this on Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante and commented:

    With Volume Two coming soon, I thought I’d give any newcomers a primer. Who am I, and what the hell am I writing about? Well, here you go — here’s a start. When you end up on The Sordid Tale So Far, you’re going to notice that it has become sparse. I’ve taken the majority of the posts down, darlings, because, well, I’ve put them into the books. But I’ve left you some samples to whet your appetite – little hors d’oeuvres to tempt you for the main course. Yes, that’s how I’ll choose to see it — certainly not like a drug dealer, who gives you the first taste for free and then gets you hooked. As my friend Jennie once remarked “You give all the very best storytelling and you give it away for free!” Or something like that, my memory gets fuzzy sometimes, and I’ve been accused (not unfairly, darlings) of being an unreliable narrator. But enough preamble. Go on and discover what I’ve actually been doing the last two years.

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