Why I’m Not On Facebook

People ask me why I’m not on Facebook.
Helena, why aren’t you on Facebook? I want you to help me farm my cybervegetables or feed my cyberfish or play bejeweled (and the list goes on)
I want to know when you’re happy and when you’re sad, and when you’ve just had a really bad day (frowny face frowny face frowny face.)
I’m sorry, darlings, but I just enjoy my privacy like it’s a dirty word. Besides, if I was on Facebook, nobody would know who the hell I was anyway — and if I used my real name, I’d have people coming out of the woods that should have stayed lost there, or perhaps found some Gingerbread House to visit.
I discovered Kate Miller-Heidke as the opening act for Ben Folds Five last summer, and have loved her ever since. She’s a doll with a lovely singing voice, a dry sense of humour, and an occasionally foul mouth. She’s pretty much said it better than I could ever do on the topic of Facebook — the truth is, nobody really ever needs to know that much about another person, and certainly not total strangers. That much publicly shared info always gives me a serious case of the wiggins.

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11 responses to “Why I’m Not On Facebook

  1. Personally, I much prefer social media platforms where the majority of the people I interact with don’t know me in real life. Perhaps this is the reason why Facebook and LinkedIn are my least favorite social media platforms, while I find WordPress, Twitter, Tumblr, and Soundcloud wildly entertaining. However, Facebook can be fun too, because you can do things like, say, post The Replacements’ “Fuck My School” on the group page for your high school reunion.

    • I admit to a soupçon of paranoia when it comes to social media. I find it a little creepy that people will air their dirty laundry on line, or confess their deepest sins, or seek attention with vague, needy status updates. It is a weird world, and getting increasingly weirder — I feel like we’re all a bunch of frogs in water that’s being slowly brought to a boil.

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