The Internet Has Made Assholes of Us All

I was at a coffee shop the other day when I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen for a while.  I asked him to join me, and we got into discussing new music. I said that I quite enjoyed the new David Bowie album “The Next Day”, and had he heard it, but before he could answer, a voice from a nearby table blurted out “It sucks. Nothing Bowie has done since Scary Monsters has been any good.”  To which I replied that the new album actually kind of had a Scary Monsters vibe to me, and 14 people “Liked” my comment.  My friend said that he hadn’t heard it yet, but hadn’t been overly impressed by the singles that had been released so far.  Three people “Liked” his comment, and someone from another table spoke up and added “I don’t know why they chose those two songs as singles to promote the album — they’re totally not representative of the album as a whole.  They’re really safe, radio-friendly choices, but the rest of the album is pretty cool — there’s even saxophone on there — and when’s the last time you heard Bowie play sax, I mean, really?”

At this, the first voice, let’s call him SuperCreep1980, reasserted that “Bowie lost his imagination after he discovered Buddhism”, and the barista, some thirtysomething hipster with a — swear to god — waxed handlebar moustache — yelled “Bullshit!”, and 5 people “Liked” this comment.

“I’m sorry,” SuperCreep1980 replied,”I just prefer his ’70s output. Scary Monsters was the last album I really liked of his.”

“Bullshit!” SBuxBarista1476 spat. Apparently it can be bullshit to state a personal preference.

“I love Skrillex!” BellaNEdward4ever piped in, and 2 people “Liked” this.

“Your an idiot,” BengalsFan1133 said, and rolled his eyes.

“That’s you’re, fucktard,” MikalDbois added self-righteously. (Though how they could distinguish a dropped apostrophe from the spoken word is quite beyond me.)

At this point, my friend and I left the coffee shop, but I have it on good authority that the conversation went on for days after we left, and when I popped my head in this morning, I overheard someone declare that anyone who likes Skrillex deserves to have their ears melted and their tongue ripped out.

Not wanting to seem presumptuous, I asked the barista for a transcript of the conversation, so I could scroll through it and “Like” or comment on the responses.

After all, you are all entitled to my opinion.

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3 responses to “The Internet Has Made Assholes of Us All

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